Humor on WordPress

Vacation finished last weekend and I went back to work Monday. It was an adventure in every sense of the word, but I have another reason for wishing it were still the holidays (other than wanting it to be vacation because uh, its vacation?): I only have 6 weeks left on my teaching contract. That means Ive got 6 weeks in Concarneau. Six weeks (plus a couple reserved for Europe travel) left in France. Six weeks to do everything on my very long and barely touched Concarneau Bucket List. Six short weeks until Im back in the States. And, most alarmingly, 6 weeks until Im unemployed. So get a different job, you say. Youve got enough free time to devote a few minutes each day to finding a desired place of employment and submitting an application.Humor on WordPress Small problem there The thing is, I hate job searching. Well, I dont hate looking at interesting NGOs or companies or places where I could work, I hate scrolling down to an extensive list of req

Gap Year: (def.) A year that you take off from normal life, namely hole up at home and veg out, away from real responsibilities, basically adult stuff. This year that I took off from real life, has been strange. I took a vacation because I got rejected from the one university I wanted to get into, and therefore I wallowed in self pity and stayed home. Its taken me 11 months to find the guts to ce up to it and make a set of survival rules. SO. HOW TO STAY SANE DURING YOUR GAP YEAR: 1. Deny deny. Basically, go into self imposed denial. Strike a bright pose, open a random book and tell anyone who passes by that youre most definitely not going to waste this year. Just because you didnt get into university doesnt mean youre a ilure. Youll learn an instrument, youll learn a language, yeah, you should learn to just get real. Chances are, youll spend your days in sweatpants with a bag of chips and/or a batch of brownies

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Last week I read an article that Valerie Harper, Rhoda from my all time vorite show The Mary Tyler Moore Show, has been diagnosed with incurable brain cancer. She could have a seizure and die tomorrow. She could live a few months or a few years, she and her doctor dont know. They do know that right now there is no cure for this cancer of the membrane surrounding the brain. Look how pretty Rhoda is! Big brown eyes, I loved her. Unfortunately, most people sooner associated me with Rhodas mom. That news got me to thinking, what would I do? What do you do with a three-months-to-live diagnosis? Then on Friday, I got this email from my Muffincake pal Kitty: Ladies My ther was hit by a Baltimore City bus this AM on his way to a dentist appointment. He is in emergency surgery in the shock trauma unit of Univ of MD. He has a broken pelvis, ribs, leg and forehead. His left leg was deskinned. He should be out of surgery in a few hours then into ICU. He will be in the hospital fo

Two nights ago, The Hubby and I went to bed early.  The Hubby had been awake for over 30 hours and barely got any sleep.  We fell asleep quickly.  Sometime during the night, I awoke to The Hubby kissing me and fingering me.  Normally, hed get his nuts crushed but I thought that it was still before 11p.m.  Everything was going great until we got out of missionary.  I raised my legs and put them on his shoulder and he started to pound away.  Then I hear a high pitched yelp, my balls!  Of course this happens as Im about to orgasm. Me: What happened? The Hubby: I crushed my left ball.  At this point he withdrew and fell over back to his side of the bed.  He is now holding his left ball tenderly. Me: Are you serious?  You woke me up for this ? The Hubby: I crushed my nut.  Give me a minute. Me: What time is it?  I look at my phone and realize its irly late.  Fuck this ,

Getting laid off or fired on hump day is quite painful! I definitely feel violated now

Have you ever wondered what happens to your short stories and poetry once youve posted them to your blog? Generally, it goes something like this: 1) A few people see them, 2) some of these people might press the like button, 3) a few readers (such as your ithful friend Katy, whom youve known since inncy) might even leave a comment or two that makes you smile, and 4) after a few days, the hub-bub dies down and the short story/poem gets buried beneath newer posts, left to perish in anonymity in the dusty back corners of the internet. If you subsequently try to polish the piece and submit it to a literary journal, youre likely to encounter some resistanceregardless of its meritonce it is revealed that the work has already appeared online. This is true even if it has only appeared on a social networking site or personal blog. Many journals have a strict policy stating that if a poem has appeared online, it is ineligible for submission. T

I just sent Jessica the first whole draft of the first part of the novel. That is my extremely funny science fiction novel, if you havent been following along. I dont know how long it will take her to format it, but we are getting close to publishing.

Ay.. Cest La Vie.. u can hate on me.. but my blunts bi-ual mixed the Keyschia Cole wit some Toby keef.. Im so focused G.. how u not gonna notice me big ass smile blowin loud smellin like some popery.. jeans, no shirt wit a vest on hat 2 the back Jodeci.. ridin round listenin 2 Queen.. speedin like lightenin McQueen.. white girl lookin like a black girl n her tight jeans.. Im cooler than a million ns blowin A/C.. pockets on swol lookin like I just heisted A.C known round the hood as Larry Bird bcuz I keep 3.. and Im higher than Blake Griffin when he leave feet 2 catch a lob 4rm CP3.. green eye bandit envy me.. cuz Im wit a lil diva and her eyes r REAL green.. stuntin like my daddys Mr.T.. got more than 2 Chains round me.. like I said b4 Cest La Vie..lol CharlieNote$

While at my younger daughters band concert at a small town high school,new york escort the woman sitting directly behind me (who would not stop talking) was, apparently, suffering from tuberculosis but unmiliar with the concept of covering ones mouth while coughing. I questioned for some time if it would be considered impolite to turn around and bash her in the mouth with my notebook if she continued to cough on the back of my head. Richard F. Yates P.S. I do not suggest anyone lick my hat until Ive had a chance to get it laundered.

You would think the experience couldnt possibly get any more rcical, but the Manny circus was r from over. Manny brought a flash drive with some time-stamped videos from our security cameras showing K clocking in at 8am and leaving at 2:30. Judge: So do you want to show them? Manny: I dont know. Do I just leave them with you? Judge: If you want it entered in as evidence, then well need to add them to the record at this hearing. Manny: Okay, do you need to watch them now? Judge: If you would like to show them and add them to the record, Humor then yes. Manny: Well how should we watch it? I have a laptop. Judge: Can you play it on my computer here? Manny: Oh, uh, okay. The other thing about Manny is he doesnt know about computers. He can barely plug a USB device in, let alone understands what the A new driver has been found message means. This led to 15 minutes of Manny bumbling around the judges computer trying to find the USB port, th

Recently, I got this card from my husband and kids: On the suce, you could read this as, Youre an awesome Mom/Wife/Food Sanitation Expert/Cleaning Lady! Digging a little deeper though, theres a hidden meaning behind each of their missives, one that involves birth order, timing, and various stages of psychological development. Allow me to explain. Scot, husband, age 43 Bergie, You are the best wife + best mom in the world we love you so much! Love, Chez Translation Im sorry the towel rack in our bathroom has been dangling from one side pretty much since we moved to Colorado, so Ill use cute nicknames from when we dated 3,000 years ago with the hope that youll forgive the ct that I generally dont do anything around the house anymore because I know if I let chores sit idle long enough youll do them for me. I used to think your erratic pre-menstrual hormones were scary, but wow can you handle a power drill like a pro when youre mad! I forgot the punctuation and capitalizatio

A priest, a monk and a rabbi walk into a bar and sit next do a doctor. He listens to them tell a joke. That was very humerus! he says Er, yeah, not very funny. So, no, were not quitting our day jobs. Hmm, how about we let let one of the masters speak, shall we? (Cue Seinfeld theme song) To me the hardest part of being a professional football player is on the one hand youre a millionaire. On the other, they blow a whistle and you have to run around after a football. Now thats funny. As Steve Martin said:

As in wear. Underwear. This post might not be suitable for adolescent boys, my ther, stepther, or ther-in-law. Consider yourself warned. The Mama has a fondness for ncy panties. Not to be confused with ncy pants, ncy panties are a clandestine indulgence for my comfort and general happiness. I am boring about said panties, and have exactly one style in two colors: black and nude. Practical, no? I never said it was exciting. The problem with my beloved, if practical, ncy panties is that I have a tendency to leave them on the floor. And I have a dog. Who has a tendency to chew on anything made of or bric that she finds on or near the floor. And did I mention that I am cheap? While I obviously throw away anything that gets destroyed, I might or might not have a few pairs of ncy panties with a small hole. The Mama is one classy lady. Which brings me to this anecdote. I know you wondered where the hell I was going with this one. I was getting ready for w

I posted this innocuous public service announcement on my wall and was met with disbelief. Enjoy: Uninformed Comment: This is bull! My Reply: HOW is this bull?? Saying it has medicinal qualities is debatable, Ill admit, but this is about comparative harm. The only way marijuana could kill you is if you get into a car after using it (driving with any impairment is its own problem) or do something equally unsafe. The active ingredient (THC, that gets one high) is just not strong enough, on its own, to kill a person whether it is smoked or eaten. Deaths from alcohol poisoning happen everywhere on Earth, every day, and everyone knows what smoking cigarettes does to the body and how often people die from that. The current government sanctioned drugs (Alcohol and Nicotine) are FAR more harmful to society and to the individuals using them than Marijuana is. Nicotine and Alcohol are also scientifically proven to be harder habits to quit, physically and psychologically. IMO the prohibit

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